What is your definition of “success“?

I’ve asked that question many times to people in workshops, teleseminars, 121 coaching sessions etc over the last 5 – 10 years, and no 2 answers are ever exactly the same.

The problem is, everyone’s definition of success appears to be different.

Interestingly, I think that the majority of answers or responses I get, tend to fall into 1 of (or a combination of) 5 main areas:-

•  Power
•  Position
•  Prestige
•  Prosperity
•  Pleasure

Yet, If I was to be honest, I’d have to say none of these are primary drivers for myself.

Personally, I struggle with any of the words above when tyring to categorise what “success” means to me.There’s one word that’s often missing from the lives of people who strive for and succeed at attaining some or all of the above….

…any guesses?

We’ll get to that in a minute…

But first, what is your definition of “success”? Do you have very specific goals and once you achieve them then that’s it, you’ve cracked it? You’ve succeeded?

What is that drives our desires? Your desires? Is it the attainment of a tangible, specific, ego driven, external goal or objective?

The problem is, for some people the attainment of a specific goal is simply not enough.

For it’s not the “thing” that they subconciously pursue that really motivated them I suspect, I think it’s more about the “experience” that they derive from having attained their goal.

The key word I think is “Fulfilment“.

Many people can have some or all 5 of the above, but the problem is they can still lack “fulfilment”.

And it’s not pleasure that many people want, but actually – happiness.

For “pleasure” driven pursuits tend to be short lived, temporary self centred or selfish acts, that often leave the person down or flat after the “event”. They are often left “un-fulfilled” after the event. For many people driven by the pursuit of pleasure they are simply trying to see what they can get, receive or “take”.

“Happiness” I think is more aligned with success, and it’s all about being selfless, and fulfilled. It’s not about you, me or us and what can we get out of life that may determine our success, but more about what we can give I suspect, that will give us a sense of fulfillment.

Stop for a second and think about one of the goals you are pursuing at the moment -

A new Car? Bigger House? Salary? That foreign holiday?

Thought of a goal that you’re current pursuing?

Good.

That’s the thing – and you’re probably quite clear about it. You may even have a list of goals, a life plan, and some people have their own vision board or pictures stuck to their fridge or office wall what it is they want to achieve.

But what’s the experience you really want to achieve in having attained the goal?

Some life coaches use the “When…then” technique to get their clients to describe the experience they really want after the attain their “thing” or goal. they get their clietns to write own statements like..

“When I achieve my goal of losing 5 stone, then I will feel more confident” etc.

(I’m sure you get the idea.)

In other words, once you achieve your goal, how will you “feel? What’s the experience that you really want to achieve in having attainted your goal? What’s the feeling you want to experience to give you that sense of “fulfilment”?

Paradoxically, what’s stopping you now from experiencing that feeling and sense of fulfilment now without having to go through all the pain, grief and emotional turmoil and extended timescales in trying to achieve your ego based goal first?

After all that, what’s your take on success? What does “success” mean to you?

Hop that gets you thinking…